If you think someone you know has experienced sexual violence there are lots of ways in which you can help them.
Understanding the behaviours associated with sexual violence is a good place to start. Most people will be able to describe what has or is happening to them and how it's making them feel.
People’s reactions to experiencing sexual violence can vary. They may be afraid, distressed angry or have no outward reaction at all. They might even behave in ways that seem unusual to you or trivialise what has happened to them.
Disclosures can come in many forms. It could be something said jokingly, a story that someone starts to tell then stops and says it doesn't matter, or it could be a question they ask.
How someone responds to a first disclosure can be really important, and it can take time for a person to decide what they want to do, and how they want to move forward.
Remember:
- The person may not want to report an assault or other behaviour that constitutes sexual violence to the police or the University. There are a lot of reasons why someone may choose not to report sexual violence.
- In most cases of rape and sexual assault, the offender is known to the victim.
- The person may be concerned that people won’t believe them or may not identify what happened as sexual violence.
- The person may be concerned about who else might be informed.
- The person may be afraid of or have some confusion about the criminal justice system, or what happens if they report sexual violence to the University.
- If drugs or alcohol were involved, the person may choose not to report because they are worried they will get in trouble.
- It is up to the individual to decide what they want to disclose and to whom. Your support can help them talk through their concerns.
- Let them know that you believe them and support their decisions.
- Remind them that no one, regardless of relationship or status, has the right to hurt them and that no matter what, it is not their fault that this happened.
- Connect them with appropriate support services that can help them understand what happens if they report to the police and/or the University.
Things to avoid
- Just saying "it’s not your fault" (without listening to the survivor's story)
- Using key catch phrases or common sayings – e.g. “it will all be better with time"
- Probing for details. Let the person tell you what has happened in their own time and in their own way
- Blaming them, for example by saying things like ‘what were you wearing?’ and ‘were you drinking?’ or ‘did you text them? or ‘Why didn’t you say straight away?’ or ‘Why are you only coming forward now?’
- Showing signs of shock or disgust
- Smirking and showing signs of disbelief
- Trivialising their experience
Think
- What is sexual violence? It might be useful to think about whether a crime has been committed.
- Are they in immediate danger? If they are on Campus and it is safe for them to do so, they can call Security on 0207 040 3333. If they are away from Campus, they can contact the emergency services on 999 (or 112 from a mobile phone).
- Find a safe space. If an incident has just happened, try and find somewhere they feel safe.
Talk
- Listen. Just taking the time to listen to someone and talk about what has happened to them can help. If someone you know has been affected, you can encourage them to seek support. It’s important to listen to what they want to do and respect the decision they make. If they do not wish to seek support or report what has happened to them, you can ask them if you can make a report on their behalf without providing their personal details.
- Thank the person for the disclosure and acknowledge that you believe them.
- Give options. When they have finished talking ask them if they are okay to talk through some possible options and next steps. Remember, it is important that they decide what they want to do
- City St George’s Dignity and Respect Advisors. Dignity and Respect Advisers are a group of staff volunteers trained to provide advice and support to staff and students who feel they are being subjected to bullying and harassment (including sexual harassment) or have themselves been accused of bullying or harassment. Their role is to listen and assist individuals to explore the available options to resolve the issue, no matter how sensitive.
Report
- Students and staff can report an incident using City St George’s Report + Support platform. They can choose to do this without providing their personal details or they can request support from an adviser by filling in the form with their contact details.
- Reporting to the police. Where a crime has been committed, they can report what has happened to them to the police. They can call the police on 101, visit their local police station or report it confidentially online. If they have experienced a rape or sexual assault and are thinking of reporting to the police, Rape Crisis have produced guidance which you mind find helpful.
- Reporting to Transport for London. If they have experienced sexual harassment on public transport in London they can report this to TfL.
- University Procedure. If they choose to make a formal complaint to the University about a student or member of staff there are procedures which set out the steps they will need to follow. See staff and student policies and procedures.
What support is available?
There are many ways to access support at City St George's and a number of external organisations that provide specialist support. You can encourage the person to access the support they need.
Your mental health and wellbeing
If you are supporting someone, make sure you look after yourself. If you’ve heard something distressing or if something is troubling you, you may also want to access support for yourself.
For students
Students can connect with staff across the University:
- Student Health and Wellbeing provide students with practical, emotional and specialist disability related support. Students can complete the e-referral form to access these services.
- Student Support Services are a multi-disciplinary team that provides support, expert advice and guidance to students. You can contact them through our Support@City platform
- The Chaplaincy Team offer pastoral support to everyone, welcoming every faith, belief and culture and students with no faith, and can be contacted directly.
- The SU Advice Service offer support for students who have experienced any form of harassment, bullying or sexual violence, either on campus, online or off campus. You can access support here.
For staff
- Vivup, City St George's Employee Assistance Provider (0800 023 9324) - Their telephone helpline provides staff members with expert support for life's ups and downs - 24/7, 365 days a year. Whatever mental, physical, financial or personal issue you're facing, you can find a wide range of resources to help you.
- The Wellbeing @ City Hub provides details of additional information and support on wellbeing for staff members.